Rain drops of Change

Today is a reflection of the changes in my life.  First of all, I resist change, I am not comfortable with moving furniture, changing the pictures on my walls, or even getting rid of my favorites in my closet.  I know people that change their furniture arrangements weekly and redecorate their walls often. That isn't me.

The only time I like change is when something isn't working, and I am comfortable moving things around until I get it right. 

But life is all about change.  Childhood goes and we change into adults......Seasons change and the warmth of summer turns to falling leaves and brisk mornings. We can't avoid change.  It's everywhere.

I have loved my life in the last several years. The closeness of family, Easter Egg hunts, road trips, sleep overs, picnics, birthday parties, Karaoke, wii tournments,pollywogs, 4H, Book fairs, basketball, football, baseball, track events, school plays, field trips, home schooling,  Movie nights, shopping, sewing marathons (whether it was curtains, quilts, or purses), swimming and so much more.  I enjoyed the laughter and the hugs.  I loved the comfort of family. 

Things change.  Sometimes it's through death, or moving, or just plain drama.

I am adjusting to the changes.  I don't like it.  I don't want it, but I am adjusting.  And life goes on.  It is what it is.  The activity has been replaced with emptiness, and lonliness.  Tough to deal with some days.  I am learning to replace things, I keep a project going to keep me busy.  Divert my attention with brain activity.  I am not there yet but I am adjusting.  Slower than I would like, but it's coming along.  Everyday is a fresh start and some are better than others.  Finding humor has been hard, it's been lost in the shuffle.  I hope I find it again and it fills my life with joyous sounds. 

Friends can be a wonderful help, but I find myself not being good company.  Worrying that I am the rain cloud and avoiding people so I don't feel guilty bringing them down, or just not having the energy to smile.  I need people. I need contact, but find I it difficult to be in groups as it brings so many reminders of what's missing.

"Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
Viktor E. Frankl

I choose to be happy!  I choose to smile!   I choose to be busy and involved in life!

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."
... Viktor E. Frankl 


So here I go, out to embrace change.  Changing myself.  Finding a better me.  I am going to succeed.  One day I will get there.  I will laugh again.  I will!

Hugs to you all!  I'm sure you need it as much as I do.................now I'm off to dive into a project.