Sometimes family isn't what we picture in our minds. Sometimes the family we have doesn't live up to our expectations. Sometimes we don't live up to the expectations of family.
My family isn't typical. I am not typical. I am not perfect. Trying to understand and deal with big events can be overwhelming and complicated at the best of times.
No matter how long it's been or how distant family members become, there is still a strong and powerful connection. It affects us in many ways.
I remember getting a call from my estranged father after many years and the second I heard the sound of his voice I was 13 and couldn't function as a 40 year old for several minutes. A death in the family and can't decide whether to attend a funeral because you don't know if the public reactions will result in drama above your levels of comfort.
Christmas is impossible. Those that have told you that you aren't welcome in their lives are angry when you don't lavish gifts on their child as you did in the past. And go out of their way to criticize when you do something nice for someone else.
I don't know how to deal with drama. I am inept at thinking in those situations I am in fight or flight mode and the brain shuts down. I don't put myself in places where I've been told I am not welcome. And once you say it, I believe it until that person explains to me it is changed in word and action. I have permanent twitches!
All in all I love my family in spite of everything. I just can't live with the drama and garbage. I prefer to enjoy the simple things like a good craft project or baking cupcakes. Don't expect much of me and don't mistake me for strong.
Merry Christmas
Remember the Christ child and the sacrifice he made for us all. Think of our Heavenly Father and know that he loves each of us as flawed as we are.
